Lover of My Soul

Yesterday was hard, my first Valentines day without my sweetie. Most of the day I was OK until I started home from work… then it started the “silent/scream” I don’t want to go there; I don’t want to be alone. I had focused all day on the lover of my soul (Jesus), but at that moment of driving in the driveway I was thinking only of my soul lover (Skipper). Just as I got to the driveway a friend texted me to see how I was doing, knowing that it would be a hard day. I replied back “I’m sitting in the driveway maybe until I run out of gas – but as I typed that it dawned on me I have an electric car – I would be here a long time, so I know I had no choice than to go inside”. Inside where there would not be a rose for every year we were married – expecting 31 this year. My old tapes were playing, my pity party started. Soon I did go in and there it was from last year my orchid… it was the first year he did not by me roses, he had gotten me an orchid instead… I thought it was odd last year, but never gave it much more thought then. However it was my blessing this year to still receive flowers from him. God knew I would need a flower this year when I was still raw with emotion. What I miss more than 31 Valentines Days together are the 1,612 Friday night date nights we had. I know that God is bigger than Valentines Day, bigger than date nights, because he is the “lover of my soul” – a gift more alive than any flower. Tomorrow will be 4 months since Skipper died and this weekend I will pick out the head stone…. But I know that the gift I have received in my heart (where I can breathe again) is bigger than any of these days. Thank you God for giving me Jesus, the “lover of my soul”, I am eternally grateful.