My red dot started last night, but I did not realize it. I am getting ready to go on my Haiti Mission trip in 16 days, 9 hours, 23 minutes, and 40 seconds. So be praying for our team while we are gone.
As I was going through some of my past mission trip to assign different duties to the team, I I ran across the last oversees mission trip Skip and I took… lots of memories, great times, beautiful memories. Then this morning I was trying to recreate a time line from a deal from last year for the real estate commission. As I was going through electronic files back in March 2011, I ran across some scanned files from e-mails of when I ordered Skip’s memorial bench and other things that I had forgotten or more likely hid away that I did not have to deal with.
Much of last year is still fuzzy for me, I have mentally compartmentalized most of it – one of my coping mechanisms.
All of a sudden, I said I needed to go to pick up lunch, my normal diet food I brought was not cutting it today. I did really well and ordered a half grilled chicken and lettuce salad with a diet coke. As I drove back to the office I took the scenic route, then started crying…. realizing that the many things I cannot not or unconsciously will not remember from last year had crept up when having to put time lines on things.
Then, I thought why did I buy this lunch although it was healthy, I was no more hungry for that food than the food I had brought to work equally has healthy. That is when it hit me I was buying it to put salve on my wounds, to heal the hole in my heart, to bury things from my past, to —- you fill in the blank! I came to the True (capital “T”) realization that I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER!
Although I had a break down, I also had a break through… that sometime we do the right things for the wrong reasons.
I did not eat the salad for lunch albeit was healthy, it was purchased for the wrong reasons.
These are times when you draw near to God, He will draw near to you. Today he drew near to Me.