The Other Half of The Pain of My Heart is in Heaven

The Other Half “of the Pain and Loneliness” of My Heart is in Heaven

Dedicated to My “Big Brother” – Wayne

For nine months we were only one heart, no one knew we were two halves of the same heart.

For nine months our halves of our hearts beat as one.

For nine months our halves of our hearts were in total sync.

Then one day the other half of my heart was ready to beat alone; experiencing the world outside the safety of the womb.

But my half of our heart always said, “It kicked your half of our heart out of the womb to have a room of its own”.  However, the other half of my heart knew it needed a “big brother” who would always be its champion, and its defender; so, it allowed the growth of my half of our heart.

For 15 minutes our halves of our heart lost it sync and beat as two hearts; but for only 15 minutes, then we joined our halves once again outside the womb.

Throughout our lives our halves of our heart have gone in different directions, led different paths, had different journeys, but continued to beat as one – in total sync.

As our halves of our heart crossed each other’s lives journeys with hiccups along the way, they still beat as one.

However, both halves of our heart carried each other’s burdens, illnesses, morning sickness, heart attacks, aches and pains during those difficult and different paths.

The other half of my heart had to grow up fast – much faster than it was ready or equipped to handle; becoming the man of the family after daddy died.

The other half of my heart went down the wrong path trying to fill its pain and void with drugs, alcohol, and failed marriages.

While the other half of my heart was on that path; my half of my heart never gave up on the other half of my heart. Praying and yearning for the wholeness of life that it had found in the freedom of Jesus.

Then one day, the other half of my heart found the truth, freedom, wholeness and forgiveness that it always yearned for.  The void was filled, the pain was gone, the drugs and alcohol were no longer holding the other half of my heart in bondage.

The other half of my heart grew with such strong faith and conviction, knowing who and who’s the other half of my heart belonged too.

My half of our heart is lonely and aching and feels it can’t beat alone when the other half of its heart is gone.

My half of our heart will not stop loving the other half of my heart; but it feels like it has lost its rhythm, its synced beat.

My half of our heart begs to understand God’s timing.  Is the vapor of our earthly heartbeat no different than the 15 minutes outside the womb when we beat alone so many years ago?

The other half of my heart is allowing my half of our heart to cry, heal, greive, and mourn; but it is also rejoicing in heaven as it shows my half of our heart how to live and breathe and beat as one.

The other half of my heart knows it will take time, but it continues to be the “Big Brother” champion and defender for my half of our heart.

Is it just my half of our heart’s imagination that I lost the synced beat of the other half of my heart?  Or is it my half of our heart’s imagination of what the other half of my heart is seeing, what it is experiencing, and how it is worshipping you God in heaven?

Jesus take care of the other half of my heart, as I would never wish the other half of my heart back from your arms.

Today I want the other half of my heart to know that “the pain and loneliness” in my half of our heart is at peace knowing that it will beat as one in total sync once again for eternity.

I love you my “Big Brother” Wayne – The Other Half of My Heart!

~ Elayne (Laney) The Other Half of Your Heart ~

~ 8-10-2019 ~

Jesus and Journey

I couldn’t sleep, woke up at 4:15am… I know crazy for someone who doesn’t do mornings!  I tried hard to go back to sleep, but God kept calling me awake.  I got up sat on the deck and prayed for the church, the leaders and the finances, people in my life, and people I don’t know that I have been asked to pray for, I prayed for myself.

I checked my e-mail, and this new book “Kingdom Journeys” was offered to me from Seth Barns, Adventures in Missions.  I down loaded to my kindle and scanned through “Take a Look” on Amazon… this is what jumped out at me. 

 Jesus and Journey

A journey is an act of leaving – process of physical abandon that teaches us how to do the same spiritually.  Perhaps, to find your true identity you need to abandon everything else.

We know that Jesus said about the journey to which he invited his disciples on:

  • To discover the kingdom, you have to lay aside your possession and go on the road with him (Mark 10:17-27)
  • To find your calling, you have to quit your job. “Leave your nets,” he says to us. ‘Follow me… and I will make you fishers of men: (Mark 1”17-18).
  •  To see the dead raised, you have to leave the funeral, “Follow me,” he commands.  “Let the dead bury their own dead” (Luke 9:60).
  •  To become rich, you have to give up everything.  If you want to be perfect, go, “sell your possessions and give to the poor.”  You will have “treasures in heaven.” The come, follow me (Luke 2:33)
  •  To get what you want, you have to abandon desires.  “Whoever want to be my disciple must deny himself and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

We go on a journey because he tells us to go – to leave.  In physically leaving, we discover spiritual possibilities.  Jesus spent three years leaving places, leaving people before finally leaving life itself.  To know Jesus, you have to learn how to leave.  In the end, the leaving is the finding.  You abandon your earthly treasure; you receive a treasure in heaven. You abandon your father and your mother; you get the family of God. You abandon your life, and like a seed that dies and grows a hundred time its size, you find new abundant life.

You know how I love adventure, so I have asked God to give me wisdom and discernment, and what this means to me and why he woke me to see this – this morning.  

Just thought I would share…. thanks for listening…. I am excited to read “the rest of the story” as Paul Harvey always said.

Break Down – Break Through


My red dot started last night, but I did not realize it.  I am getting ready to go on my Haiti Mission trip in 16 days, 9 hours, 23 minutes, and 40 seconds.  So be praying for our team while we are gone.

As I was going through some of my past mission trip to assign different duties to the team, I I ran across the last oversees mission trip Skip and I took… lots of memories, great times, beautiful memories.  Then this morning I was trying to recreate a time line from a deal from last year for the  real estate commission.    As I was going through electronic files back in March 2011, I ran across some scanned files from e-mails of when I ordered Skip’s memorial bench and other things that I had forgotten or more likely hid away that I did not have to deal with.

Much of last year is still fuzzy for me, I have mentally compartmentalized most of it – one of my coping mechanisms.

All of a sudden, I said I needed to go to pick up lunch, my normal diet food I brought was not cutting it today.  I did really well and ordered a half grilled chicken and lettuce salad with a diet coke.  As I drove back to the office I took the scenic route, then started crying…. realizing that the many things I cannot not or unconsciously will not remember from last year had crept up when having to put time lines on things.

Then, I thought why did I buy this lunch although it was healthy,  I was no more hungry for that food than the food I had brought to work equally has healthy.  That is when it hit me I was buying it to put salve on my wounds, to heal the hole in my heart, to bury things from my past, to —- you fill in the blank!  I came to the True (capital “T”) realization that I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER!

Although I had a break down, I also had a break through… that sometime we do the right things for the wrong reasons.

I did not eat the salad for lunch albeit was healthy, it was purchased for the wrong reasons.

These are times when you draw near to God, He will draw near to you.  Today he drew near to Me.